Prayer has been my balm these last few months. I don't think I could have lived through the months of July, August or this much of September if wasn't for prayer.
When I was a little girl the neighbor boy next door would recite this prayer word for word (from Matthew) for his prayers. I remember thinking I should learn it and do the same thing. My wise mom then taught me it was a model, a pattern, a recipe for our own prayers and not something to be recited when we wanted to talk to our Heavenly Father. Since then I have forgotten exactly how it goes--maybe that was on purpose, maybe not, I don't know--but the recipe has always stuck with me.
There is more to learn than the four step recipe of
- Addressing the Father
- thanking
- asking
- and closing in the Savior's name
I have always loved the word "amen" since I learned it was my "seal of approval" on a prayer. I love adding my own approval on others' prayers, talks and thoughts. I remember asking my mom what if I don't say "amen" to a prayer, does that mean I'm not finished with it?" I don't recall her answer, but in my heart there are times when I say, "My prayer is finished, but I'm not don't talking with you. Let's keep the line open just in case there is something else either of us want to say."
As I have been on many a table the past few weeks either getting radiated, imaged, poked or whatever, I have said, "My part of the prayer is ended, but I would like to keep the line open, if you don't mind. I'm scared."
I will pause when the test is done or the moment is over and close my prayer (or is it saying another prayer) and thank him for the peace he granted me. Of course I whole heartily seal it with an "amen."
But I'm struggling with this two little words, "thy will". Of course you can imagine why I'm struggling, but it is so hard to say those words right now. Eighteen years ago I said them often in prayer as we struggled with infertility and I thought it was hard then, but never in my imagination did I think it would be this hard to say those words.
I have a HUGE testimony of the power of prayer. I've had it from before I was baptized. My mom was a great part of helping me develop that testimony and I wish she was alive today so I could thank her. I have no idea how many times I prayed for our car, a lost sock, lost money, for a family member and for my father. It must have been millions of times. I remember almost always getting some sort of answer to them. One of the most vivid answers was when I was 17 and wanting to know for a truth if I was loved. WOW! what an answer.
Today, I just hope that my desire and will are the same as the Father's. I hope that our family prayers are answered. "Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name." "As we offer unto the Lord our family and our personal prayers, let us do so with faith and trust in Him."
Those are great quotes and I only hope that our faith is strong enough to deal with the trials and challenges that face our family. I have to place my trust in him, I have to and trust that my will will be his will.
