Mothers who Know part 6

Mothers who know do less
I think this is the one that rattled a few cages and it did mine at first, until I let the Spirit teach me the truth in what she was saying.
“They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally.” Let me repeat that, “They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally.”

Less media. We are just about ready to disconnect our dish network. I’m having a hard time since that means no BYU TV and no summer Olympics, world cup, winter Olympics and my cooking shows (I’m learning). But maybe we don’t need it. I ‘m sure we can use the money elsewhere (like college funds) but we have not let much in so we really can’t go less. But we can be wise in how we use what we do have. I can sit down and mindlessly watch a cooking show or a world cup.

Less distractions. I’m not sure what she was trying to say here, but I think she was saying things that draw us away from our purpose and our family. Things that make us draw into our selves instead of with our family. Well, we play games (My hubby sells board games) and we have a blast playing together. We have a blast learning together as well.

Less activity that draws children away from the home. Here is one that I have had shoved in my face (ok, they did is gently) but the ward has been shaking their finger at me because I do so much. BUT when I tried to tell them my son couldn’t do something because it was pulling our family away from the home, boy did I get read the riot act. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. There are two things here for me. One is soccer. If you have read my four part article on LDS-NHA on soccer you will know what a HUGE place soccer has in my family. You would think I have super stars or something like that. On the contrary. My kids only play rec soccer and then move into reffing as it is great money ($30/hr for a 14 year old!—I want that pay.) But we do it as a family. My kids pile into my car at 4 and we all go to the same place and play together, cheer together, win together, cry together and come home together. I had one mom look at me and say, “How do you do sports for five boys?” (She was struggling with her two boys and two girls.) I told her, that we choose a family sport and we did it all together. That not only makes it so we are together as a family, but I get to watch my children play and even participate as a coach. She was running boy 1 to baseball all over town and boy 2 to football on the opposite side of town. Girl 1 was in ballet in another town and girl 2 was just being dragged around. She never saw her son play football—not ONE game. I have a child that I rarely saw play soccer last year, because he played at the same time as another brother, BUT his oldest brother was his coach and dad made it to his games. I actually have managed to get six kids playing soccer at the same time and we still get to sit down for dinner. OK, so the dinner was pizza picked up on the way home, but we did it together! I have actually lessened the time we are away from each other by bringing us all together. My kids know you go and support each other on the field. We even watch them ref a game. We may be AWAY from home, but we are doing it together.

Live on less and consume less. We have been hit hard the last little bit by the down turn in the economy and it is showing up in our dwindling saving account. That and our boys are eating us out of house and home. I actually had to pick up a part time job (direct sells) to help pay for necessities. The cost of insurance for a 16 year old BOY driver is sky high!! (even with good student discounts) and the cost of orthodontia and clothes! HOW CAN THEY GROW SO FAST! (At least they can hand them down.) and then saving for six kids who will be going to college. I’m not sure how we are going to weather college and missions all happening at the same time. We figured it out once that for nine years we will have a missionary out in the field and during those same nine years for the majority of the time we will have at least three college students. We have NO IDEA how we are going to manage even a tenth of that cost. So by nature we have to consume less. Of course I need to consume less calories and fat, but that is another topic. This also brings about a teaching topic that I think I haven’t taught very well with my kids. We live in a throw-away society and now that their toys and clothes cost so much, we are trying to instill in them that you just don’t throw something away. You use it up, reuse it, pass it down, etc. My teens are having a hard time with this and I’m not sure how to go about teaching this. I’m truly to do it by example, but I’m not sure they are seeing.

In order to spend more time with their children. The whole reason we picked soccer and skiing. Two things we can do as a family.

More time eating together. We switched from eating dinner together to eating breakfast. We were having a hard time making sure we all ate together and still made it to bed on time that we switched from trying to eat dinner together to eating breakfast together. I LOVE IT! We still try for dinner time together, but it often doesn’t work out. Monday (FHE) is about the only night we really eat together. Tuesday night my husband has game night (I think of it as work since that is what he does as a side job and it has paid a few bills). Wednesday is activity night and the kids don’t get home until 8:30 or 9 and it is trying to get dinner on the table. Not only that, they need to eat before they leave. Thursday night is when all the moms meetings and parties are. Friday is date night or Teen night at my house. Saturday always sneaks up on us as we are so busy or it is temple night. Sunday is my day of rest—I don’t cook on Sunday.

More time working together. Forget the lawn service, do it with your kids! Forget the maid service, do it with your kids! We have built three decks together and just remodeled our kitchen. We did it as a family! How great that was!

More time reading together. How many homes out there do you think read with their teens? Probably not many. We do. We are reading a couple books together. Just recently my husband transcribed his mission journals and is reading those to us at night. HOW WONDERFUL! My teens are so pumped for their missions. They can’t wait to have similar experiences.

More time having fun (I combined her last points). Does your family really like being together? If not, then why?

These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. I think I touched on that during my discussion about our choice of soccer. I didn’t choose it all, I choose what was best for my family (see Elder Oaks’ talk on Good, Better, Best) and I will stand by that decision until directed otherwise.

I did this so that I, like Sister Beck says, “prepare future fathers and mothers.” I can only hope that my example will last for a while and they too can choose less for their family, but in doing so pick the best and have more!